babies will be babies

I always get strongly reminded of assembly language mnemonics when i hear babies speak or being spoken to. For instance,a "AAA UMM" (meaning LOAD ACC) or a "SSS" (need I explain ?) or even sometimes a "DADA" (usually short for the warning "Do As told, Do As told") takes me back to that course that we struggled through during our grads. But, we are steering clear of the original purpose of this post. Ahoy !! full astern, me matey !!

I was travelling again this weekend, after meeting my parents, in a train which seemed to be preloaded with kids and babies all over. I particularly speak about a 1 year old toddler (you may ask me how do you know it's one year. One knows Dr Watson, mail me for explanation ..) who was in the same compartment as I was. My original plan as I entered the train was to sleep off early so that I could get up early and finish my novel in the solemn hours of the morning. It was a spine chilling Victorian murder mystery, where everyone including the narrator move suspiciously with conspirational looks, at night, with candles across alleys and black cats strewn all over. Such a thing mustn't be pursued at night, that too in train when travelling middle berth. Anyway, so here I was, trying to get some nap. Starting at about 11:30 into the night, a series of disturbing events proceeded to occur, as Agatha Christie would have put it.

"gaarrrrrrrrrrphhhhhh", an upstairs neighbor opined in his sleep.
This somehow didn't agree well with the toddler downstairs, so "aaawwaaaaa !!", he replied back.
I was very shrewd in imagining that things were getting hotter and tension was spreading in the already stuffy compartment air. Any moment now, the bubble may break.
The snorer didn't change his opinion even after the new development. "grrrrsnnnzzzz", he declared this time. The toddler didn't back down, he raised the bet by 10 dB more and returned the call in no mean terms with a scintillating "AWAAAAAA!!". After that the little champ was unstoppable. Good that the snorer was no way reachable to the baldie, for I had no doubt that he was looking daggers at the snoring offender. This, of course awakened the upstairs neighbour to the facts of life and he turned away subdued and humbled. In the meanwhile, the mother, father and other relations of the baby got up and started to calm him down. Very peculiarly, this chap needed no calming down, if the lights were on. So, as soon as the lights were on, he began to lie down beside his mom, seemingly deeply satisfied.

If you think that the unhappy episode ended here, you are completely mistaken. Young spirits, once set on fire, are difficult to extinguish. I was tussling on my berth for sometime now and realised that the reason for the fidgeting was that the light was still on. Immediately I realised the gravity of the situation. They say men must go through difficult times to learn. Here, I thought, was an opportunity. Not that I wasn't careful. I gave a few sidelong glances at the little chap for about 10 minutes. I feigned sneezing for a bit, just to make sure he was really asleep. After passing these tests, I made the mistake of switching the light off. This move truly aroused the fellow's sensitive feelings and he resumed his incantations at a level which the tennis players generally use while tackling a particularly difficult serve. He would have made Monica Seles feel like a puny ant. After I put back the light on, I murmured a few apologies to the parents and got back to my tussling. Only at around 3:00 am did the fellow slept soundly without taking offences at these silly things.

The night's incidents interested me immensely and I took up watching this warrior even by the day. I looked past the edge of my murder mystery every now and then. And the wealth of information I gathered by this act was very profound in nature. Here are some baby facts:
1) If you give a anything soft to be eaten to a baby, his algorithm to achieve this feat is simple. He first squashes the object on the floor with both hands, spreads it well and takes of pulp of the floor to keep in his mouth. Pretty savage, I know, but there it is.
2) Any object that is not squashable is to be put directly into the mouth for a preliminary examination.
3) Inviting the baby to you with a brief "CHUCHU" is quite comparable to a unassuming first year, crying out loud to be ragged in a senior corridor full of people.
4) Never remove the safely clothing tied around the waists of these fellows. Babies are quick to take offense and their general method to tackle the situation when this happens is to let go.

I got down the train, very wise and chanted the title to myself.